Theo started kindergarten a few months ago. I was initially reluctant to write about it, since my feelings about it were not at all what I was expecting. There was no doubt that Theo was ready for kindergarten (for the first month, he cried whenever it was time to go home!) and I thought I couldn't wait until I had some time completely to myself - but once I got that time, I didn't know what to do with it! It was such a foreign concept that for the first few afternoons, I just sat on my couch wondering what I should be doing.
The worst feeling, however, was not knowing what Theo was up to. Since I've been the one who has made all the decisions since Theo was born, it was strange handing that over to other people, even if the decisions they make for him are as inane as what is for lunch, or what activity he does and when. I've always been there to oversee everything he's done and now the only way I know what he's been up to is if I ask him how his day has been. This loss of... control or omniscience... really hit me quite hard in the beginning. I guess it's my first lesson as a parent in letting go - and I'm quite surprised by my reaction. I never thought I would feel this way; I always imagined myself as one of those parents who drops their now grown-up kid off at university with a car full of practical household items and a cheery wave goodbye. Parenthood is constantly surprising me.
1 comments:
Having had to work part time since Aidan was 8 weeks old, I've already had some practice in letting others control what he does. I've never liked it, nor felt comfortable with it, but it's a reality I can't particularly escape.
I'm sure, though, it will be a whole new level once Aidan goes to school in September. Where has the time gone?
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